Be Kind to Yourself (Jamie Bonjour)

Trudging through a misty night

Glancing a few steps ahead for the end of the world

So that I can meander off of it

It occurs to me that I cannot think

of a single thing that I like about myself

And I hear, not in a pound of thunder

Just pitter pattering down with the rain

. . . glutton . . . sloth . . .

proud . . . idiot . . . failure

. . . disappointment . . . ugly . . .

weak . . . disobedient . . .

I sit down against the bricks

my tears join the puddled masses.

Letting the cold seep in

I bow my head and begin to pray

The prayer of proud apathetics finally humbled:

My God, give me the will to be obedient.

Thaw my frozen heart

And give me the foundation to stand on

That I may finally fight in this battle

I have never cared to win

With wave after wave of loving conviction

I finally felt the whole of my self-affliction

Beginning to drown in my own inhibition

He laid on my heart this gentle benediction:

Be kind to yourself.

Like “I’ve got the whole world in my hands

And I still have room to hold you”.

Like “I created the universe

but I made you image bearer."

Like "I know the weight of sin is death

But I called you redeemed”.

Like “I know what you’ve done.

How the shame and apathy and fear

Have chained your heart in their unholy trinity

But I still love you”.

Be kind to yourself

Is not the campaign slogan

For self-proclaimed victims

Who choose to be broken

Just for the hell of it.

Be kind to yourself

Is not the banner strapped across the self-martyr

Who would rather die a tattered hero

Then find the courage to stand up again.

Be kind to yourself

My God commands

“For My grace is sufficient for you.

Because I loved you first,

You can abide in My love”

Be kind to yourself

Is what a mother prays

Over her self-destructive child

On the nights that seem to never end

Be kind to yourself is not the band-aid

I strap over the chasm of sin between me and God

When I want to rally the will to save myself

It is the acceptance of the forgiveness

He already lavished on me

When He called me daughter.

So I implore you

Be kind to yourself

When you look in the mirror

And every ugly feature is circled in red

When self-deprecation feels like the last defense

Between you and reality.

When the undeserved forgiveness is so maddeningly great

You would rather punish yourself than accept it

Be kind to yourself

When you’ve been given every opportunity

And blown each and every one. 

When every vicious lie you ever cursed yourself with

Rushes back to haunt you in the dark

On the day that you feel so unlovable

You honestly believe God does not want you.

Be kind to yourself

Is not the “Out of Order” sign

That you hang around your neck

On the day you finally give up on yourself

It is the anthem

That you cry out to the cruel cynic  

That would swallow you whole

Because maybe you don’t believe it

But He’s not finished with you yet.

Meet the Poet! Jamie Bonjour is an entrepreneur and pretzel maker by day and a poet/author by night. She's excited to see how all of that goes.